The art of seduction and semi finals.

Ah, the sweet smell of success.

Ok, maybe it was the smell of Bovril or perhaps the bogs but it still smelt great.

Or perhaps it may have been the whiff of the same aftershave Arsene Wenger used to seduce Cristiano Ronaldo’s mum emanating from the away dugout.

Whatever it was I inhaled a massive dose of it on Tuesday night.

In fact, anyone that left Turf Moor that evening would have done so sniffing it like a trophy pair of knickers confiscated from their first sexual conquest.

I wonder if Arsene did that with Mrs. Winker’s panties.

Of course Wenger was talking this week about charming her into making her offspring sign for Arsenal but conceded that his advances were not enough as Cristiano was eventually seduced by Carlos Queiroz to join United.

But imagine if Monsieur Wenger had actually had his wicked way with Ronaldo’s mother. It would be the perfect tonic to combat the winger.

Imagine as Cristiano makes one of his trademark dazzling runs down the touchline all Wenger would have to do his step out to the edge of his technical area and say…

“…well, err, your mum, she iz shit in ze sack.”

Forget doubling up or this tactical fouling nonsense, Ronaldo would collapse to his knees in tears wishing his mum would be quick and have it off with the President of Real Madrid.

We must return to Tuesday now, things are getting far too steamy, I don’t think football has been this sexual since Mark Lawrenson used to touch himself on Match of the Day.

Well, Burnley are back…again.

A stunning two nil victory over the Gunner’s superstar youngsters proves things are on the rise in East Lancashire.

The Clarets showed by playing slick passing football that teams such as Arsenal can be beaten at their own game.

The atmosphere was electric as our youngsters showed that playing regular first team football is more beneficial than the good press an occasional outing brings.

The likes of Kevin McDonald, Chris McCann, Martin Paterson and Chris Eagles have all flourished since being given the opportunity to show what they can do regularly.

All had and still do have lots to learn but their education has been accelerated by getting games in a tough league.

Unfortunately for Wenger’s kids they need to spend some time at the school of hard knocks, whether that be in the first team at the Emirates or being loaned out to the Championship.

One man who has had a fantastic season is the “Beast” Brian Jensen.

The hero in the wins against both Chelsea and Arsenal the big Dane is an example to any youngster who suffers a knock back in the game.

Since joining the club under Stan Ternent in 2003 there have been several “replacements” brought in to take the number one spot.

But Brian kept his dignity and worked hard and now finds himself at the peak of his career in the form of his life.

And in my opinion nobody deserves this current run of form more than the beast.

With the semi final draw looming whoever we get will be a cracker of a tie.

Whether we go down in a blaze of glory or reach Wembley nobody can take away the achievement of Owen Coyle and his team.

At the very least this run will open the eyes of many to the good work being done at the club and hopefully help us keep on attracting players of a high calibre.

I just hope once they are interested Mr Coyle is better versed in the art of seduction than Arsene Wenger.

All I can say is God help Ronaldo’s mother if she ever comes to Turf Moor.