Funny girls, naughty school kids and a burka...

Well, well, well…

I feel like a naughty school kid handing in my homework a day late.

Internet connection problems means Das Football like most premiership games these days comes to a Sunday.

I’ve had to re-write the article that was meant to be published yesterday which contained several references on how bad Blackpool were against Burnley on Tuesday.

And they were, Wade Elliot might as well have slapped a “kiss me quick” hat firmly on Mo Camara’s head as time after time he made him look as daft as Bloomfield Road.

I’m sure if Simon Grayson had fielded a first eleven from Funny Girls that night they would’ve put up more of a fight…

…actually, of course they would, at least a team from Funny Girls would’ve had balls.

But the tangerines came up trumps yesterday with a surprising and rather brilliant win over Birmingham while the Clarets were held to a one all draw after a ridiculously late Swansea equaliser.

So maybe I’ll save the gloating for Preston next week? Or just not bother.

Ok, now where was I?

Oh yes, naughty school kids.

Don’t worry, I haven’t gone all Gary Glitter on you but I’m talking about the way Sir Alex Ferguson tried to make Keith Hackett feel this week.

Arguing the toss over the rescinding of what wasn’t a red card anyway was maybe a slight deflection away from United’s poor start to the season.

So whether Keith Hackett has a John Terry poster on his bedroom wall or not the Chelsea skipper will be lining up against Man Yoo today whether the demon headmaster likes it or not.

What else has happened this week?

Of course, the Newcastle saga rumbles on and apparently now the fans want to buy their club.

The general consensus seems to be that if enough Geordies all put in a grand then they can buy the club and handle affairs themselves.

It’s bad enough one bloke running that club, never mind three hundred thousand.

I can’t help seeing the image of a ground full of fans all sporting “9 CHAIRMAN” on their replica shirts.

To be fair though, they couldn’t have done a worse job than cartoon owner Mike Ashley.

The papers this morning suggest that Ashley may have lost a small fortune (around £300 million) by attempting to invest in HBOS.

Couldn’t have happened to a nicer bloke could it?

Ashley reminds me of working class lottery winner, a kind of yuppie version of Mikey Carroll.

I imagine his vast estate to contain dirt tracks, burnt out Vauxhall Nova’s, fires burning in disused oil drums and junkyard dogs chained up waiting to ravage any disgruntled King Kev supporters that may attempt a break in.

In his shirt and tie he has the demeanour of a satanic David Brent. The classic loosened tie and “I’m richer than you but I’m still one of the lads” attitude provides the perfect combination for immediate contempt.

While I type Ashley is probably sporting a Keffiyeh headdress as he drags his knuckles around the Middle East in his Newcastle shirt looking for someone to buy him out.

Although if he’s ever to wander round St. James Park again then might I suggest he wear a Burka.

SB