Jack and Rose fail to renew their Rovers season tickets

While Sam Allardyce will be acquainting himself with the home dugout at Ewood Park this weekend, Paul Ince will perhaps be in hiding, doing a spot of shopping in Woolies.

Blackburn Rovers parted company with the Premiership’s first Black English manager on Tuesday and replaced him with England’s whitest manager on Wednesday.

But while the debate about whether Ince got a fair crack of the whip does the rounds, it is perhaps irrelevant as relegation for a club like Blackburn would be financially disastrous.

The brand the Premier League has created makes it near on impossible for young British managers and players to develop themselves in front of the watching billions and blood thirsty moneymen.

Gareth Southgate has weathered the storm and must be applauded by mixing foreign players with an impressive academy pool.

For Ince, bringing in a League Two journeyman in Keith Andrews may have been an indication that the young Rovers were not to be trusted.

But that cannot be the reason for his failure; inexperience, the lack of investment in a replacement for David Bentley, no resolution being found to defensive frailties and a distinct shortage of creativity can all be lamented for the team taking only three points from the last thirty three.

It seems to me Ince suffered from the impending end of the Mark Hughes era.

Sparky left to join Manchester City knowing many of his over performing stars were beginning to seek moves to bigger, more attractive clubs.

If this were the Titanic, Hughes could not be compared to the admirable Captain Smith. Instead he would have fixed up his grey bouffant and donned a dress in a gallant attempt to steal the spots of women and children on one of the lifeboats before navigating it straight to Eastlands.

But now it is Big Sam who faces the gargantuan task of keeping Rovers in the Premier League.

One of the few men to ever pull off the moustache, Allardyce will be looking to have the sort of impact Harry Redknapp has had at Spurs.

The worrying thing is he definitely has the ability. An inferior tactical nouse to any of managers at clubs near the bottom, Sam knows how to play against and grind out results against most opposition.

He’s also an expert at picking up a bargain in the transfer window.

If he can inspire his team of confidence struggling fellows to survival then it may save them the embarrassment of being bypassed by Burnley next season.

Bottom at Christmas

Today’s headline isn’t a reference to Dale Winton’s letter to Santa but to the curse that generally means relegation for whichever club is at the foot of the Premiership table come 25th December.

Only West Brom’s heroics in the 2004/05 season have broken the trend in this frightening statistic since the league’s formation in 1992.

With two games to go and six points to play for before the big day, at least three or four clubs will be praying they can yank themselves away from the bottom.

The contenders for this kiss of death are West Brom, Blackburn Rovers, Sunderland and Newcastle.

All four teams have different reasons behind their struggle and are all finding it difficult to pick up points in what has become an incredibly difficult league.

Starting at the bottom we have West Brom, a team promoted from the Championship last season who were renowned for their neat passing football.

The Baggies seem to have kept their philosophy of getting the ball down on floor which may be behind their accumulation of just twelve points.

The Premiership possesses many teams that play excellent football which makes it difficult for them to compete.

The millions of pounds it takes to accumulate a top flight strike force possibly isn’t worth the gamble for a team good enough to come straight back up if they find themselves in the bottom three come May.

Although if they show some of their “Great Escape” spirit of 2005 it could make their final fixture against Blackburn a very interesting one.

And so we come to Ewood Park.

A difficult one to evaluate not only because of the intense hatred and loathing any Burnley fan has for Rovers but also because working for a radio station local to Blackburn I spend some of my time covering them.

During this run, I have joyfully made my way to the Brockhall training ground to hear countless excuses for their inability to win.

It takes some restraint not to laugh, shout “your shit” or break into a chorus of “No Nay Never”, the Burnley version of course.

It’s not that I want Ince to fail, a boyhood hero of mine as a player and a genuinely honest and decent bloke but that rivalry means if he is to become the fall guy in Rover’s descent then so be it.

I’m sure he’ll become a great English manager one day but I do feel he stepped into the lion’s den when he took the job on in the summer.

Ince’s philosophy is to play football, something he is trying to do with a squad inherited from a manager that didn’t.

Mark Hughes’ success at Rovers was built around a solid defensive backbone with a belief of winning at any cost.

He was heavily criticised for his style but no one can deny that it worked. Much like Sam Allardyce’s Bolton, the rough and tumble, workmanlike performances paid dividends in keeping them away from the drop zone.

I think Ince may have tried to have implement his views on the way the team should play too soon, resulting in players who had not been assembled to play flowing, attractive football struggling.

Instead a gradual transition may have been better, giving Ince time to build his own team who are more suited to his style of football.

Instead, average personnel is left playing some very good footballing teams at their own game.

No disrespect to the likes of Aaron Mokoena and Keith Andrews who have been playing regularly in the centre of the park but there are much stronger midfield partnerships in most of other teams in the league.

They may be aided by the return of David Dunn, but with his unfortunate injury record I’d rather gamble on Roy Chubby Brown keeping fit.

Although the way “fat bastard” keeps running off stage at the moment he’ll soon be able to do a job sitting in front of the back four.

The loss of Brad Friedel and Bentley has also been key, match winners at both ends of the pitch, their absence will see Rovers lose vital points they would have taken last season.

The other two teams in touch of being bottom at Christmas both hail from the North East.

Newcastle and Sunderland have also suffered from their managers walking out on them this season.

Kevin Keegan left St James’ Park in September after what he perceived as interference from boardroom level.

Since then the club has been put up for sale leaving Joe Kinnear to try and turn them around.

Having got themselves out of the bottom three they seem to have found the resolve to combine with the player’s undoubted ability to pull themselves out of trouble.

Sunderland on the other hand have seen Roy Keane massively overspend, signing players for fun using Niall Quinn’s consortium's gold card.

The bearded WAG has brought many a spangly accessory to the Stadium of Light who have proved to be about as watchable as an episode of Celeb Air.

Around seventy million pounds has been flashed on assembling a team with little cohesion.

Some of Keano’s choices have also been quite bizarre; many of his signings have certainly been a contrast in character to the man himself.

It’s been like finding Elizabeth Taylor raiding the January sales at Elizabeth Duke.

But having walked out after a few defeats maybe he has lost some of the desire he had for the game as a player.

Without Keane, Sunderland's new manager must firstly evaluate which of the hefty playing squad are up for the fight.

The lazy and lacklustre defending shown against Bolton cannot be repeated in that sort of crunch fixture if they are to avoid the drop.

Relegation for any of the teams with the exception of West Brom would prove to be an unmitigated financial disaster.

At a time when players, managers, directors and fans all start looking for signs, the traditional bottom at Christmas tag will be one that they will want to avoid like bumping into a half cut Kerry Katona.

The art of seduction and semi finals.

Ah, the sweet smell of success.

Ok, maybe it was the smell of Bovril or perhaps the bogs but it still smelt great.

Or perhaps it may have been the whiff of the same aftershave Arsene Wenger used to seduce Cristiano Ronaldo’s mum emanating from the away dugout.

Whatever it was I inhaled a massive dose of it on Tuesday night.

In fact, anyone that left Turf Moor that evening would have done so sniffing it like a trophy pair of knickers confiscated from their first sexual conquest.

I wonder if Arsene did that with Mrs. Winker’s panties.

Of course Wenger was talking this week about charming her into making her offspring sign for Arsenal but conceded that his advances were not enough as Cristiano was eventually seduced by Carlos Queiroz to join United.

But imagine if Monsieur Wenger had actually had his wicked way with Ronaldo’s mother. It would be the perfect tonic to combat the winger.

Imagine as Cristiano makes one of his trademark dazzling runs down the touchline all Wenger would have to do his step out to the edge of his technical area and say…

“…well, err, your mum, she iz shit in ze sack.”

Forget doubling up or this tactical fouling nonsense, Ronaldo would collapse to his knees in tears wishing his mum would be quick and have it off with the President of Real Madrid.

We must return to Tuesday now, things are getting far too steamy, I don’t think football has been this sexual since Mark Lawrenson used to touch himself on Match of the Day.

Well, Burnley are back…again.

A stunning two nil victory over the Gunner’s superstar youngsters proves things are on the rise in East Lancashire.

The Clarets showed by playing slick passing football that teams such as Arsenal can be beaten at their own game.

The atmosphere was electric as our youngsters showed that playing regular first team football is more beneficial than the good press an occasional outing brings.

The likes of Kevin McDonald, Chris McCann, Martin Paterson and Chris Eagles have all flourished since being given the opportunity to show what they can do regularly.

All had and still do have lots to learn but their education has been accelerated by getting games in a tough league.

Unfortunately for Wenger’s kids they need to spend some time at the school of hard knocks, whether that be in the first team at the Emirates or being loaned out to the Championship.

One man who has had a fantastic season is the “Beast” Brian Jensen.

The hero in the wins against both Chelsea and Arsenal the big Dane is an example to any youngster who suffers a knock back in the game.

Since joining the club under Stan Ternent in 2003 there have been several “replacements” brought in to take the number one spot.

But Brian kept his dignity and worked hard and now finds himself at the peak of his career in the form of his life.

And in my opinion nobody deserves this current run of form more than the beast.

With the semi final draw looming whoever we get will be a cracker of a tie.

Whether we go down in a blaze of glory or reach Wembley nobody can take away the achievement of Owen Coyle and his team.

At the very least this run will open the eyes of many to the good work being done at the club and hopefully help us keep on attracting players of a high calibre.

I just hope once they are interested Mr Coyle is better versed in the art of seduction than Arsene Wenger.

All I can say is God help Ronaldo’s mother if she ever comes to Turf Moor.